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Tebowing in Mom's Closet

"President Obama" tries to reach Tim Tebow, while a wing-eating champion finds himself in a hot, saucy mess.

Each week, Patch combs through the more shocking, surprising and often absurd alleged criminal acts and police-related incidents that unfold throughout New Jersey. Here’s what went on this week for “OMGs from NJ PD.”

Mr. Tebow, I Have the President on the Line for You: Tim Tebow, next time someone tells you President Obama is calling you, keep this story in mind. A Hopatcong man called police with his best Barack Obama impersonation and told them , he of football kneeling fame, police said. Police showed up at Slater’s mom’s house, where the 28-year-old did the only natural thing: hide in his mom’s closet, police said. Not content to simply let a bad night end quietly, Slater twice threw his summons on the ground after he was released from custody—prompting an additional littering charge, police said.

Isn’t Cocaine an Appetite Suppressant?: Heavy is the head that wears the wing-eating crown. Five-time Philly Wing Bowl champion Bill “El Wingador” Simmons was arrested this week after police . The Woodbury Heights resident allegedly stashed the drugs in a car covered with an El Wingador wrap. It’s unclear if chicken wings are on the jailhouse menu.

Cooperation Isn’t Always the Answer: Many hands make light work—until a Good Samaritan ruins the thieving fun. When a thief at a , an eyewitness blocked his escape. But an accomplice nearby took it upon himself to try to ram the Good Samaritan’s car out of the way. Meanwhile, the first suspect tried again to drive off with the car, snapping the fuel line and his chance of a pricy booty, police said. Livingston Police are on the lookout for the would-be thieves, and with a getaway plan like this, we suspect it will only be a matter of time before cops catch these guys.

Staggering Down the Thin Blue Line: Was it lack of a badge or the beer that blew his cover? Hopatcong Police arrested a man after—beer in hand—he allegedly shined a flashlight in two women’s eyes and . He picked the wrong target, though, because one of the women pretty much knows the whole Hopatcong force and called police. The man was slapped with charges and jailed by his “fellow” cops.

Tax Self-Preparation Goes Awry: File this one under “Criminals Making It Easy for Cops.” Collaring the alleged burglary in a home break-in proved fairly simple after a Williamstown man of a Monroe burglary. Here’s hoping the man had a refund coming to him—he can use the cash for his legal bills.

Cold Move on a Hot Day: The kiddos at Gloucester Township’s Goddard School had their fun postponed for a day, thanks to the ice water running through thieves’ veins. Someone (probably a few someones) , timing the destruction with the hottest day of the year so far. The school had to send home 90 kids for the day and police are still looking for the theives.

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