Masculinity? It's What You Make It!

When asked to contribute to The Man Files, I have to admit I was taken back.  After all, what does someone who complains about grocery shopping and softball sportsmanship know about being a man?

Nevermind the brutally soft tunes that dominate my Pandora and iTunes libraries.  Should I mention my hands?  Ya know, how they look like they have never seen manual labor?  What about the fact that I hate when there is clutter in the house or in my car?  

Hardly the qualifications of a "masculine" man, right?

Not so fast.  It is 2011 and the rules are constantly changing.  

For through all those trivial things, I am a husband and father.  I work in and around the greatest city on Earth.  And to hell with the train!!! I prefer driving in and around Manhattan. I love to grill and enjoy a beer (or several) on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I play some pick-up basketball (poorly) and have started a Wiffle Ball game with some of my more "masculine" friends. I wear a beard and have hair too long for a man my age. (That's my daughter talking, by the way.)

So what if I do dishes and laundry and prepare the lunches for the day? I drink my coffee black and like BOLD blends. Sure, I don't own a drill, but I did help build the patio out back.  I may not have worn a suit in years (pretty much just weddings and funerals, and no, they are NOT the same thing.)  But I dare you to find me someone with more cargo shorts and concert tees.  

In 2011 "masculinity" is as blurred as it has ever been.  Men are marrying men. Men are marrying women when they really want to be marrying men. Men continue to objectify women. Men have higher salaries then women and disproportionately control politics and corporate America.

Is this all "masculine?" Today, I say, yes it is. And it is the same for women. Women compete in sports, and drive to Manhattan, and drink black coffee. They coach youth sports and fight in wars. They lead companies and work with their hands.  

I guess what I am saying is who really cares? Masculinity is different now than when my father was raising his family.  He would not have taken me and my three friends to see Smurfs, as I did the other day with my daughter.  He did the 9 to 5 thing, smoked his Lucky Strikes and crashed on the couch during the 6 o'clock news. Sure, he would throw the ball around and encourage me to be active in sports. But, we never really talked like Ward Cleaver and the Beav. He is very much the poster child for old school "masculinity." Most importantly, he raised me to be my own person.  

And today I do the same with my daughter. These days, that means being far more active. At least in my world it does. So I will continue to take her to bad movies. I will take her to the mall shoe-shopping.   I will support her without berating her coach or opposing teams' parents on the soccer pitch.  See, I said "soccer pitch" and did not feel the least bit feminine. Well, maybe a little bit.

"Masculinity" is a relative term used by folks probably doubting their own masculinity. Do you have to ogle women? Do you have to bench 250? Do you need a fancy convertible? You most certainly do not.  

Maybe you have to have such confidence you need not consider what "masculinity" means?  And maybe that is where I fit in.

If my wife still finds me attractive and is not repulsed at coming into bed with me at night I will call that example #1. If, when I raise my voice, my daughter stops what she is doing and looks at me for direction, I will cite that as #2.  

That said, if a man benches 250 and crawls into bed with another guy later that night, who am I to say that ain't masculine?  He might even have Metallica on his iPod.  

See how it all makes little sense?  And see how I am grasping at straws trying to rationalize this question?  

The answer, like most of everything, lies squarely in the middle. For me, "masculinity" is an antiquated term. Maybe it is because I spend too much time in the West Village, but I am thinking we are all masculine to a degree. Me, especially! Now, if you don't mind, I have to finish laundry, correct my daughter's tutoring lessons and then take her back to school shopping.

You got a problem with that?